Dead Birds & Fish: What's REALLY Going on in Arkansas

First it was more than 1,000 dead birds that fell in a 1-mile radius in Beebe, Arkansas that had us freaked. Dead things dropping from the sky on New Year's Day? Is it the sign of the apocalypse? Then things got really creepy. We found out more than 100,000 dead fish were found floating in the Arkansas River just days before.

Together they leave us with two choices: curl up in a corner and start rocking or figure out what the heck is causing it so we can move on with our lives. We're going with the latter. Here's what's really causing all those dead animals in Arkansas.

The government killed them:

What would a new year be without some new wacky "the government is out to get you" theories? Popping up all over the web is the phrase "Some believe that secret undercover government weapons testing is the cause of the rash of wildlife deaths there." Some do seem to believe it, but none offer up anything other than their beliefs. Maybe some facts would make us feel like these people were more than bird brains.

Fireworks killed the birds:

The bodies of the birds showed physical trauma akin to lightning or hail. But considering it was New Year's Day, Keith Stephens of the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission told CNN:

If someone was to shoot fireworks in an area where they were roosting, while they were asleep, then that could have been what caused their deaths.

If that's true, why hasn't the pyrotechnician come clean? Arkansas is a state where fireworks are legal, so he shouldn't be in any trouble.

Disease killed the fish:

Only dead drum fish died, which actually makes this easier to figure out than the birds. If there were a pollutant in the water, it should have affected everything in the river. But with only one species of floaters, the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission (boy those folks have their hands in everything these days) are calling this one for disease. Now for the big question: could the birds have snacked on the fish?

Poison killed them both:

We've already ruled it out for the fish, but what about the birds? Actually, that's a negative too. The birds' stomachs were empty. Although mine would be empty if I ate something that gave me the runs too ...

Weather killed the birds:

When in doubt, blame it on the weather. Birds don't fare so well when their coats get soaked, and there was a storm that blew through Arkansas late last week. So they could have died from exposure or been confused as heck and simply flew into the ground themselves. Only problem? The storm was pretty much gone by the time the birds started dropping like flies.

God did it all:

If it's not the government, it's got to be Him, right? Oh ye of little faith, check out the pile of Biblical quotes concerning dead critters and tell us it's not a wee bit creepy. Particularly of interest: I will sweep away the birds of the air and the fish of the sea from Zephaniah 1:3. If He's sweeping them away, does that mean He's offering to help with the clean up?